And to think that it was only a week ago that I suggested here that the Cowboys’ upcoming offseason might turn out to be relatively tranquil—at least by Cowboy standards.
“You may say I’m a dreamer…” Yeah, I’ll own it.
“Tranquil”? Only in the sense that an 8.7 earthquake is “tranquil.”
Here was my (alleged) thinking at the time. Dallas was coming off that Wild Card pounding of the Buccaneers. Dak had just played the best game of his career, accounting for five touchdowns with no turnovers. As I put it at the time, peace was possible, “unless Dallas lays a complete stink bomb in Santa Clara.”
Damn! Somebody open a window!
Confession. I never for a moment thought Dallas would actually beat San Francisco. Why? Because the 49ers are better than the Cowboys, by a small but undeniable margin. The 49ers are also tougher than the Cowboys. Of that, there can be no question.
See, that was yet another example of my being rational, which frequently piques the ire of the “We Dem Boyz!” myopic fanatics who live in the past more than Jethro Tull. Like Mikey from the old cereal commercials, they’ll eat anything. And Mikey, served a bowl of cardboard by Lil’ Abner, lapped it up, not only expecting but demanding a win over San Francisco.
That was just not going to happen, for the above-cited reasons.
Delusional expectations produce crushing disappointments. The 2022 Cowboys were exactly what they were—a talented but wildly erratic 13-6 team that reached its level of inadequacy in the divisional round. Dallas is not as good as San Francisco. Dallas is also not as good as Philly, Kansas City or Cincinnati. By next August, that list of teams that “Dallas is not as good as” could be considerably longer. The Cowboys are not “trending,” at least not up.
So, “tranquil”? Not one of my more prescient predictions.
But can you handle the truth? Of course not.
The carnage started Wednesday, with the team parting ways with a couple of assistant coaches. By Thursday, that became a mass execution, blindfolds optional. Do you think that was McCarthy’s idea?
Do you think that rasslin’ is real?
Most of those guys who got capped were Mike’s boys.
Nah. This is harsh. But Jerry Jones is 80 years old. At least one of his next big free-agent signings is going to be the Grim Reaper. He knows that. In the words of Bonnie Raitt, “Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.” Can you say, “time sensitive,” or “sense of urgency”?
And what to make of Dan Quinn? And what’s his end game here? From a purely football standpoint, the news that DQ is staying in Dallas was Thursday’s high point for Cowboy fans. Quinn’s defense is by far the best thing that team has going for it.
But for the second straight year, Quinn went through the head coach speed-dating process with several teams. And for the second straight year, he swiped left.
Of course Quinn wants to be a head coach again. That 28-3 thing with the Falcons has to get caught in his esophagus like a daily hairball. Dan Quinn is a helluva football coach.
This is now clear. Dan Quinn wants to be head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. And I think that’s a fine idea. And clearly Lil’ Abner has given Quinn a wink.
So what are we waiting for? Another season of stagnation?
In the meantime, Quinn and McCarthy are going to continue to spend 18 hours a day together. They’re both professionals, but they both know what the deal is here.
Awkward, much?
Oh, one more thing. I’m typing this sentence at 4:54 a.m. Friday. There’s a pretty good chance that Saturday morning I will be writing about the firing of Kellen Moore. That won’t be McCarthy’s idea, either.
Hey, but at least the Cowboys still lead the league in merchandise sales, television ratings and antiquated marketing slogans, right? And that’s all that matters, right?
Couple more notes. I’m delighted that Frank Reich has landed another head coaching gig. He’s top-shelf. But, OMG, the Panthers just stepped in it. Get ready for Steve Wilks’ quadrillion-dollar lawsuit. And it may be totally justified. File this under “self-inflicted.”
Nathaniel Hackett just spent five months proving he may literally have been the worst and least-equipped head coach in NFL history, at least among everyone not named Urban Meyer. But here’s the thing: Hackett is a hellacious offensive coordinator, as he previously proved with the Packers. Were you surprised the Jets signed him as their new OC? I wasn’t. It always makes me scratch my head that head coaches get hired based on what they previously did as a coordinator. Those two job descriptions belong in separate Venn Diagrams. Being a head coach is to being a coordinator as being a goldfish is to a unicycle—no relationship whatsoever.
Oh, and if you think part of the reason the Jets hired Hackett is to try to catch the eye of Aaron Rodgers, you are absolutely right. That’s not just smoke, that’s some fire.
A smile, nod and salute to Billy Packer, who died Thursday at the age of 82. For more than three decades, Packer WAS college basketball. He did as much as anyone else to fuel the sport’s mercurial rise during that period. Packer became synonymous with Final Four telecasts at both NBC and CBS. He was always marvelously prepared. He was also fiercely protective of the sport he loved, and could be prickly—both on air and off—in defending it.
Packer was cantankerous. That has never been an insult in my book. Sail on, Billy.
