The Jolly Roger isn’t just smiling, he’s beaming. The National Football League’s 102nd season is off to a spectacular start, at a time America could use it. It’s good to be Roger Goodell.
That was some Soul Food last night. MNF kicked off its second half-century (damn!) in Las Vegas (whoddah thunk that?), in a stadium that looks like the International Space Station decorated for Christmas.
And that was Gladys Knight! WOO-WOOH!!
It was great theater. It was even better football.
Raiders win in OT. Wait, they don’t! That’s a half-yard short! Everybody get your butts back on the field. Vegas blows it. The Raiders didn’t throw a pick after having a first and goal inside the one, did they? Yeah, they did.
So now they’re about to get “Jacksoned.” Everybody knows it.
Oh, hell, Lamar didn’t fumble, did he?
Yeah, he did.
Derek Carr: “Watch this.” Raiders walk it off, 33-27 in OT.
Sorry, other American pro sports. The NFL is still The Dawg. And everybody else is still The Tail.
“Shield Envy.”
And now we get 17 games instead of 16. It’s good to be Roger Goodell.
One more thing. It hasn’t always been good to be Derek Carr. But it is now. He is now officially “top-tier.”
The NFL’s compass needle is now stuck on “West.” The AFC West and the NFC West are a combined 8-0.
NFC North? Oh-and-four.
I love every single thing about football except injuries. We’ve played one week. The carnage is already sickening. Good luck, Washington Football Team. Sorry about that, 49ers and Ravens.
Call it the “Covid Swap.” Cowboys’ O-lineman Zach Martin is back. But pass rusher Randy Gregory has a case and may miss Sunday’s game against the Chargers. Dallas WR Michael Gallup is now on IR with a calf strain. He’s out for at least three games. That’s a big deal, IMO.
It cost USC 12 mill to get rid of Clay Helton. It took Trojan alums about 12 minutes to find that chump change underneath their sofa cushions.
That didn’t take long in Austin, did it? Casey Thompson, grab your helmet. Hudson Card, grab your clipboard. Rice, grab your ass, ‘cause you’re about to get spanked. Texas will hang 55 on the Owls and everybody will think everything is cool. Everybody will be wrong.
Campbell’s is coming out with a special promotional autumn soup, available only in College Station. It’s called “Zach Calzada.” That’s gonna need at least a pinch of salt. You in trouble, Aggies.
