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I love October. I cling to October. I know not what course others may take, but for me, today is October 32.

November is a fraud. Fall is fixed. Everybody knows October won. I mean, did you see all the people celebrating football games and Halloween in October?  There is no way you can tell me November won a fair succession.

Anyone who prefers November to October is not a real American. Beyond that, Jesus prefers October.

So here’s what we’ll do. We’ll just reject November. We will just refuse to certify November. We just won’t flip the calendar to November.

If asked for evidence that it is still October, we’ll simply reply, “Because we say so,”

 If pressed for more evidence, our answer will be even more compelling and eloquent. “Screw you.”

Rastafarians and Hindus and other non-Christians have religious observations in November. They do that right here in America, as if they’re Americans.

We all know the Founding Fathers would not want to have anything to do with that. November is not American. November is illegitimate.

We’ll demand calendar recounts and audits. We’ll sue. We will slander November.

Our plan? Just refuse to certify November. Just don’t do it, Nike.

We’ll riot. We will attempt a Calendar Coup. We are prepared to hang people. If we fail, we’ll keep bitching and whining NEXT November. Which will actually still be October, as we all know.

This is all about freedom, folks.

I’m pushing back against this obvious War on October.

It’s not “Happy Autumn,” you heathens.  It’s “Merry October 32.” Do you have the courage to say that?

Look, I know October can be a little rough around the edges. But this shouldn’t be about monthly mean tweets. This should be about policy.

It’s October 32. Because I said so.

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Paul's Bio

I clearly have the attention span of your median fruit fly.Look! Airplane!

Sorry. I’m back.

It’s both a curse and a blessing. I’ve never bought this stuff about, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” But I do think that a wide range of life experiences helps us grow as people, and helps us better relate to other people. I’ve been fortunate. And I am beyond grateful.

I show up on time. I go like hell. I’m a good listener. I hold myself accountable. I own my mistakes. And I have a natural and an insatiable curiosity. I’m never afraid to say, “I don’t know,” when I don’t. But then I try to find out.

The flip side is I’m a lousy ballroom dancer and my clothes sometimes fit me funny.

Stuff matters to me. I care. But while I take that stuff seriously, I try hard to never take myself seriously. As a result, I have sometimes been told, “Paul, it’s hard to tell when you’re serious and when you’re just having some fun. Which is it? Serious or fun?”

My answer is “yes.” But I think that is a legitimate criticism. I promise I’m going to work on that.

This has been the quickest and strangest half-century I’ve ever experienced. During that period, I’ve been afforded amazing opportunities in news and sports journalism across all platforms. I have taught wonderful students at the high school and collegiate level. Always, I learned more from them than they did from me. I’ve been a high school administrator. I spent ten seasons as a high school varsity football coach. I’ve been an advertising executive. I’ve hosted nationally syndicated television entertainment shows. In maybe the biggest honor I ever received, I was selected by NASA to be “Chet The Astronaut” for the “Land The Shuttle” simulator at Space Center Houston. (All I can say there, is “Do as I say, not as I do.” I put that thing in the Everglades more often than not.) Most recently, I just wrapped up a decade as a television news director, during which time our teams distinguished themselves in holding the powerful accountable, achieving both critical and ratings success.

What does all that mean? It means I am profoundly grateful. It also means I’m ready for “next.” So here we are. Radically Rational. It’s an idea I woke up with in 2017. I scribbled “Radically Rational” on a piece of notebook paper and used a magnet to stick it on our refrigerator. I saw it every day, and it just would not leave me alone.

I am second in charge at Radically Rational, LLC. My wife, Jo (also known as BB), is the president. Clearly, I have failed in my attempt to sleep my way to the top of this organization.

I hope you will learn that I’m loyal as a Labrador. But I will admit that this doggie can bite every now and then. My promise to you? I will show up on time. I will go like hell. I will listen to you earnestly and attentively. I will hold myself accountable. I will never be the least bit hesitant to say, “I don’t know,” when I don’t.

But then I’ll try to find out. Let’s do it.